Candy Drunk
by thewurstgerman
Summary: Who knew Sportacus would actually go and drink Robbie's wine? The villain certainly didn't, and now he has a tipsy elf in his lair... (Sportarobbie, nothing graphic.)


**A/N: Hello, everyone. I've been getting quite into the Lazytown fandom recently. This is the first story I've written for this fandom. I hope you enjoy it!**

… … …

 _BANG!_

Robbie Rotten's body lurched out of sleep like there were millions of volts running through his veins. His hands automatically found their way to his ears as a result of the resounding noise that boomed throughout the lair. It was only after it stopped did the man peel his palms away from his face and allow them to drop to the fuzzy arm rests of the chair he was curled on.

His throat almost tore. "What is that _awful_ noise!?" Annoyance seethed through him, as he slunk off the armchair and stumbled across the cold floor to his periscope. His footsteps padded lightly under the laughter of children and muffled voices. When he arrived at the device, it took a minute for his weary eyes to adjust, the harsh light of another beautiful day burning through his retinas.

It was that pink brat, as sickly sweet as ever, bumming around with that little, sticky boy, and the other one… Stinky? Robbie screwed up his face and realised he didn't care about their names.

"I can't wait for the celebration today!" The youngest boy said between the three of them. Robbie scrunched up his face mockingly; as if they needed any more reasons to gush over nothing in Lazytown.

"Me too," Stringy chimed in. They were in front of some sort of stand, with bunting, a podium, and a large white banner hung between two wooden posts. Robbie realised that was what must have caused the noise.

The pink girl giggled to herself and the sound made Robbie wince away from the periscope for a brief moment, before shoving his face up against it to continue. "It's amazing how lucky we are that we can grow our own food right here in Lazytown." She looked sincere. "There are some places in the world where it's nearly impossible."

The villain rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. He had to admit, not many young kids often gave a thought to the struggles in countries less fortunate. But, she was just a dumb girl, she'd probably just heard Sporta-flippity-floppity preaching about it.

"Today's gonna be so much fun!" The littlest boy yelped happily, "We haven't had a food festival in a while."

"Food festival?" Robbie blanched. His hands nervously shifted around the handles of the periscope as he pulled away slowly. "Has it really been that long?"

Searching through his cluttered mind, the villain thought he could remember little snippets of the Lazytown food festival they held maybe two or three years ago. It was before Sportacus had come to town. The old festival was a small dribble of one or two stalls that sold mainly cake, biscuits, and junk of the like. It was back then when Robbie enjoyed going out a lot more.

"There's going to be so much sportscandy at _MY_ food festival." Slinky announced. His pointed nose was raised high into the air, and, looking back into the periscope, Robbie scowled.

Pinkie shook her head a laughed softly. The three of them continued to talk about sports, and vegetables, and all sorts of childish things, but Robbie had lost interest at that point.

He huffed away from the periscope and folded his arms across his chest tightly. "I wish those kids would just have some chocolate and shut up!" His face was screwed up into a frown, and he looked around the barren and miserable surroundings of his lair. "Maybe I could go see what other food they're selling at the festival... It can't all be sportscandy, right?"

With an annoyed shrug, he trudged off to get dressed.

… ... ...

Sportacus grinned excitedly at the stalls of different food presented in the town square. All the children seemed to be having fun, trying different fruits and vegetables, running around, and being happy. It was times like these when the elf really felt at ease.

And then he spotted the lanky villain scowling over by the stand, and something made his stomach feel a bit like he was doing somersaults. Robbie never left his house at this time. It was the middle of the day, usually he was only waking up around 2 o'clock.

Sportacus bounded over, jumping and flipping with expertise. When he landed, the villain groaned like his foot had been stepped on. "Hi, Robbie!" Sportacus smiled. "What are you doing up so early?" It wasn't early, by any means, but it was for someone like Robbie Rotten.

The man looked annoyed, but it didn't faze the elf. "I thought I'd come and see what other food they're selling here, aside from that dirt-tasting rubbish you call sportscandy." He examined his tidy nails in boredom. "And those noisy, little brats woke me up again."

Sportacus breathed humorously from his nose and smirked at the taller man. "Well, if you want, I can help you pick some ingredients-"

"No-"

"So you can make something healthy-"

"Absolutely not-"

"And get some more energy!"

Robbie looked at the elf with his stormy, grey eyes, a powerful eyebrow raised in scrutiny. "Do you even know me?" Sportacus blinked at him before the villain flashed a sly grin and elegantly strolled further into the market.

Sportacus was right on his heels. Robbie rolled his eyes again and thought that the blasted elf resembled a lost puppy. "Haven't you got a squirrel to chase or something?" He muttered wryly.

The shorter man frowned, confused by Robbie's sarcasm. "No," he answered, "I don't think I'd do that. Besides, I want to hang out with you!"

Robbie almost stopped dead in his tracks, but recovered by pretending to admire something from one of the stalls next to him. Realising it was only more damned fruit, he kept walking. "Hang out with me?" He muttered, "I thought the hero and the villain were supposed to hate each other."

"Of course not," Sportacus smiled. He made sure he caught Robbie's sharp glance before focusing his gaze in front of him, as the two walked along. "It's good to be friends with everyone."

"Hmph," Robbie grunted softly. He felt a lot more at ease with Sportacus beside him, although he wasn't sure why. "Well I can't see anything of interest on these stalls. Do they have any wine here?"

The elf looked up at the man with his pale, blue eyes, widened in puzzlement. "Wine?"

Robbie's strong jaw tensed a little. His expression seemed rather tired and stressed. "Yes, wine. You know? Alcohol?"

"Yes," Sportacus sighed, "I know what wine is, Robbie, I just didn't know you drank."

"Well," The villain sniffed indignantly, "I think I'm allowed to take the edge off every once in a while." He growled, as they passed a smoothie stand. "Not to mention, wine has many health benefits."

The elf shook his head lightly at that. "You've got to be kidding me,"

Robbie batted his dark eyelashes at Sportacus mockingly. "Would I ever lie to you? Besides, would you rather me drink that or eat candy."

"Sportscandy?" The elf grinned, to which Robbie dry heaved mockingly.

As they carried on walking, the taller man finally spotted a stall at the very end of the market place; it was a small, wooden opening with different bottles of red, white, and rosé wines all lying down in straw display cases. Robbie manoeuvred his delicate, bone-like fingers over the bottles, as if he were tickling the Ivory keys of a piano. Sportacus watched his hands silently. It seemed as if Robbie's hands had masked all other outside distractions, like mist on a bathroom window. The taller man talked idly with the wine seller about what would go well with certain dishes, primarily ones with cheese, and picked out two bottles of a deep, crimson wine.

The shorter man snapped out of his daze when the other spoke in that low, dry growl he used from time to time. "What are you staring at, Sportakook?"

"Uh," he flustered, "Nothing, just thinking about what you said."

Robbie had a bored expression on his face. "Oh, about the health benefits? Yes, you'd be surprised."

The two of them continued ambling along, rather aimlessly at this point. Robbie had already got what he came for, and Sportacus was itching to do something more than just walk, but neither man made any excuse to part.

"What are the benefits anyway?" Sportacus asked. His voice was quite gentle and curious. It made something similar to butterflies dance around in Robbie's stomach.

"Well, red wine in particular has quite a few antioxidants," he mused, "Research shows that a few glasses a night can be beneficial for fighting heart disease." They stopped at a bench and Robbie eyed the two bottles in his hands. "You know, I'm surprised you've never given it a try."

Sportacus tipped his head slightly. Robbie found it almost impossible not the grin and the sight of the elf: he really did have the mannerisms of a little dog. "What do you mean?" He said.

"It seems like it would be quite your thing, with the health aspects and all that, and the fact that it's made from grapes." Robbie sarcastically raised his brows, and he looked rather fox-like in that moment. "We all know how much you love sportscandy."

"I don't know…" the shorter man hesitated, "I've never tried any alcohol at all. I always have to be vigilant for any trouble-"

Robbie waved him off tiredly. "Yeah, yeah," he said, "I've heard that song a million and one times already." He leaned against a wall and rested one of the bottles on his hips. "You've never had a break."

"And you've never _not_ had one, Robbie."

The villain gave a dramatic pout, but a twinge of a smile graced his lips. "I work hard enough as it is, trying to get rid of you."

Sportacus laughed quietly. "I don't think that will be happening anytime soon." They fell into a brief silence for a moment, the two of them staring at each other with unreadable expressions. Both men snapped to attention when Sportacus heard his crystal beep suddenly. The sports elf looked down at his chest and then glanced back up at the taller man, who regarded him with a tentative stare.

"You better get that, Sportaflop." Robbie said softly.

The shorter man smiled and gave the other man a quick nod of appreciation, before speeding off to attend to the danger. Robbie watched him leave and quietly went back to his lair with his two bottles in hand, trying not to be seen.

... ... ...

Robbie had surprised himself that day.

It was highly unusual for him to rise before noon - that is of course if he had even bothered sleeping - but yet, he had actually went out and did something productive. He had even managed to have a rather pleasant conversation with that blue buffoon, Sportaflop. That in itself should have earned him some sort of award.

The villain looked up at the glittering, night sky, almost drowning in its massiveness. There were dozens of little, white stars freckled within the inky waves of the late evening. Robbie had forgotten how much he appreciated the night sky; everything about it allowed him to think more lucidly than he often had the chance to, and it was good to reflect on certain thoughts every once in a while.

The sound of his shoes carrying him along melted into the darkness around him. He didn't go for walks often, but if he did it was almost always during the evening. He had been walking for round about ten minutes, and was starting to find that his fingers had grown numb with cold.

"I better start heading back," he sighed to himself.

As he walked, folding his slender arms tightly around his chest to conserve warmth, he thought about the odd way Sportacus looked at him earlier that day. The shorter man seemed rather distracted when they were talking. Normally, Robbie wouldn't have paid much attention to something like that, but he didn't get the chance to talk to Sportacus very often.

The villain frowned. Maybe he was reading too much into such a minor thing. Sportacus may have had something on his mind, and used Robbie as a distraction. The tall man was often used for other's personal gain, he had become immune to it.

The wind nipped at his limbs, as he ventured back up the steps of the billboard. With trembling joints, it took nearly all his remaining strength to lift open the hatch to his lair, and clamber down. The slide down jolted him from left to right erratically, and, with eyes screwed shut, he waited for the cushioned landing of his soft, orange chair.

" _Oomph_!"

Robbie hadn't landed on his chair…. He had landed on something else - someone else…

Scrambling down onto the cold floor, the villain held in the urge to scream, as the resounding noise of laughter was sent pinging around the room.

"Sportacus…?" Robbie whispered. His voice was dripping with utter disbelief; his eyes were about to pop out of his head. "W-What are you doing down here?"

The elf was lounging lazily in the armchair. He looked more relaxed than Robbie had ever seen him before; it was as if someone had cut the strings from a marionette doll and threw it down without a second glance. His whole physique shook with giddy chuckles. Robbie narrowed his eyes.

"You're drunk," he spat.

"I'm not drunk," The other man giggled heartily, "I'm Sportacus."

Robbie was about to shout at the stupid sports elf for being so idiotic, but bit his tongue. Clenching his fists, the villain pulled himself up slowly from the floor and peered down at Sportacus with curious but sceptical eyes. This was unlike anything he'd ever seen before.

"So you got drunk off of my wine, huh?" Robbie gently padded over to Sportacus and watched as the shorter man dreamily smiled up at him.

"Hiya, Robbie." Sportacus reached out his hand and took Robbie's limply. The villain cringed and pulled away after a moment. He could hear the wine-soaked nothings rolling off Sportacus' tongue. "Aw, don't you wanna hold my hand?"

Robbie sighed. This was like babysitting. He tightened his brow and watched as the elf smiled down at his own bouncing legs. "I want to know why you're in my house." The villain growled.

After a beat of contemplation, Sportacus staggered quickly out of the orange chair and jumped to his feet. Robbie stepped back in surprise. "Hey!" Sportacus grinned sloppily at him, "Why don't we do something fun?" He took off rather suddenly, and Robbie had to catch up to the elf before he reached any of his inventions.

"Fun?" The taller man panted, "With you? I don't think that's possible!" They careered around the workbench, when Sportacus playfully ran to make the villain chase him. He was laughing so much that it was a challenge for Robbie not to start giggling himself.

"Maybe you'll start having more fun when you catch me." Sportacus teased. Robbie watched him sway along. The two of them were on opposite sides of the workbench. The taller man had managed to work up a bit of a cold sweat, while the shorter man was still electric with soft chimes of laughter, dancing through his chest.

The villain proposed that the elf was so merry, he probably wouldn't remember this conversation by tomorrow, so decided to act a little more coy than normal. He cocked an eyebrow mischievously. "Is that a come on?"

Sportacus regarded the taller man with about the same expression; his eyelids were half-lidded; his cheeks were rosy with the warmth of the alcohol in his system; his grin lit up his whole face like the northern lights. Robbie had never really noticed how charming the man looked when he smiled. It made him feel a bit… odd.

While Robbie had been unfocused, the Sports elf had actually climbed up on the workbench, skittish in his tipsy movement. The villain heard several of his contraptions crash to the ground and he snapped to attention. "What are you doing!?"

Sportacus was a giddy bag of laughter, his muscular body almost resembling a new born foal. Robbie edged around the workbench carefully, watching the way the shorter man swayed like a leaf in the wind. "Dance with me, Robbie?" He hiccupped.

The villain couldn't help but feel something swell in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't tell whether it was disgust, fear, or excitement at watching Sportacus act so unlike himself. He should have gotten the stupid elf drunk sooner, and maybe that would have made him leave Lazytown.

"I don't dance," Robbie grunted.

He wanted to fold his arms, but kept them out just in case the elf fell off the bench. Robbie knew he wasn't strong enough to catch him, but he was willing to try anyway.

Sportacus had his eyes closed, swaying to a rhythm Robbie couldn't hear. "I think you're a great dancer," he said softly. The villain was focused on the way the other man's body moved, the way his muscular arms were loose at his sides, the way his hips swung ever so slightly. He almost missed the elf's hand, reaching out to him. "Dance with me." His foggy, blue eyes were trained on Robbie's narrow, grey ones.

The villain almost sneered. "There's no music."

Sportacus smiled widely. "I don't care!"

Robbie hesitated. This felt very alien to him. He didn't like being out of his comfort zone, especially when someone like Sportacus was involved. The villain didn't know why he suddenly cared so much if the stupid elf were to fall off the table, or if he went into a meltdown, or if he danced alone…

"Uh," Robbie mumbled, rubbing his clammy palms against his thighs. "Well…"

The longer Sportacus stood there, watching him, the more Robbie wanted to disappear. Why was he feeling this way? Why did he have the urge to touch Sportacus, to hold him, to sit down and talk to him like a regular guy? Suddenly, the familiar, comfortable dynamic of 'hero VS villain' had evaporated. They were just… Sportacus and Robbie. They were just two souls in one room. The way the light caught the shorter man's soft, blue eyes made Robbie feel like his stomach was doing backflips. Sport's palm was still outstretched… his fingers long and lonely, waiting for Robbie's hand.

He did care.

Robbie felt himself start to tremble. "Fine." He whispered. Sportacus' rosy face lit up with a lopsided grin. The taller man shifted, fingers gripping the elf's hand loosely. "Come down off the bench; you'll break your neck."

Sportacus used Robbie's hand to steady himself before hopping down and landing on his feet hard with a ' _thud_ '.

It was quiet, and the two men stood opposite each other like there was an ocean between them. Robbie didn't know what he could do to make this situation any less awkward. Maybe he should just tell Sportacus to go home, but he couldn't cast him out when he was as tipsy as he was. The taller man just wanted the ground to swallow him up. He should never have went out; he should never have talked to the elf; he was better off being alone-

Robbie's body seized up when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his shoulders. He could do nothing but stare straight ahead and look anywhere – anywhere – other than at the shorter man, who had rested his head against the other's neck. Robbie's arms were still at his sides. His breath was bated. He didn't want to move.

Sportacus began to sway, initiating some form of intimate slow dance. Robbie finally blinked, swallowing down the large lump in his throat, and brought up his slender hands to clasp Sport's hips gently. His whole body was shaking. He wasn't sure if he was enjoying this or not.

The two men rocked back and forth, their bodies close. Sportacus reached up and took off his hat, tossing it away carelessly, and Robbie was delighted by the smell of apple shampoo – of course, he would never admit that.

"Sportacus?" Robbie said. His voice cracked a little from his nerves.

The elf simply hummed in response, his eyes closed, his head tucked into the crevice between the taller man's neck and his collarbone.

Robbie's tone was low, but soft. "Why did you come here?" He watched the elf from the corner of his eye. They continued their odd, little waltz, shuffling around Robbie's lair like two clockwork figurines.

Sportacus still had his eyes shut. "I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

Robbie felt the elf's body sag a little. He wasn't sure if that was because the man was sleepy or-

"I don't want to go."

The taller man blinked. He looked down and saw that Sportacus' blushed face had drawn into a frown. Confusion flooded through Robbie's mind. "What?" He uttered.

The sports elf sighed heavily. Robbie caught the scent of wine on his breath. "You said you wanted to get rid of me." He explained, as if it were painfully obvious. "But I don't want to go. I like it here." Sport's voice had a broken quality to it, and it made Robbie's heart sink. "I like being here with you."

Robbie looked straight ahead once again, a little bewildered by the whole situation. His mind swam with a whirlpool of questions he couldn't possibly begin to answer.

He swallowed thickly. "I… I don't want you to go either."

His heart was pounding so much that it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. His breathing was ragged and uneasy. Robbie couldn't identify what these feelings were, if they were good or bad, if holding another man so close was right or wrong, if the pair of lips on his neck were making him shiver rather than his fear.

Tingles were running all around Robbie's body like little electric shocks. The elf's roaming lips had started moving up and down the taller man's neck, leaving soft kisses on his jaw, the hands that were once around Robbie's shoulders now in his slick, raven hair.

"S-Sportacus?" The man shook.

"Robbie," The elf purred quietly. His hands had made the villain's hair unkempt and unruly. They weren't dancing anymore. Sportacus had a fire in him: he didn't want to be alone. He wanted Robbie to tear down that wall of stoicism and hold him. He just wanted someone to touch him.

He opened his somber, blue eyes and looked up at the taller man. Robbie seemed to shrink under his gaze, even as he was staring down at the elf. His jaw was tense, his eyes were watery. Sportacus took his hand down from Robbie's hair and pressed it against the man's face. He leaned in.

Closer...

Closer.

A warm pair of lips pressed into his own. With closed eyes, Sportacus gently puckered his mouth and allowed himself to fall into Robbie's embrace, to lose himself in the head rush of the taller man's lips, his tongue, his breath: the taste of dark chocolate. It was nearly enough to make Sportacus lose his footing. His legs had turned into a trembling mess, his clasp on Robbie's jaw now weakening, as the euphoria of the kiss made him dizzy.

Oh, it nearly hurt the elf to admit to himself that sometimes a little sugar wasn't a bad thing.

If it weren't for Robbie's large hands gripping his lower back, Sportacus would have collapsed right then and there. He wanted the kiss to go on and on. His mind was awash in absolute ecstasy, his heart hammering, as if he had never been alive, but his eyes... so tired…

So… tired…

His legs had given way, but Robbie had managed to catch him before he fell. The world around him was spinning, and he just about made out Robbie's sympathetic expression leaning over him. Sportacus allowed Robbie to guide him to his chair, and the soft impact of the fur was forgiving on his weary body.

Robbie watched as the elf grinned up at him one last time, bleary-eyed and almost spilling out of the chair. He tucked a dirty blonde lock of hair behind the elf's pointed ear and watched the clarity behind those blue orbs fade into peaceful sleep.

There was a blanket of silence that had settled in Robbie's lair like snow.

"Sleep well, Sportaflop." The villain mumbled. He stood for a moment, admiring the way the sleeping elf before him breathed deeply, the way his muscular, tanned arms were still at his sides, the way his hair fell wildly about his calm face. Robbie only wished he had a bed so Sportacus could be more comfortable.

The man finally walked away from the chair, his steps quiet and slow, and mowed around the cluttered workbench, to his fridge. "Let's see how much damage the blue kangaroo caused," he muttered lightly.

Opening the refrigerator, Robbie revelled for a moment as the cold air caressed his face. There was an abundance of different cakes, snacks, and fizzy drinks lining the shelves and the compartments of the fridge. His grey eyes finally fell on a bottle of red wine.

'Okay,' he thought, 'at least I still have one bottle left.' The villain closed the fridge and stood, glancing across to the counter beside him. There was another bottle of the same kind. He frowned.

"Odd…" He said. This one looked nearly full. It was open, the cap discarded somewhere he'd never bother to look, so it had been drank from… Robbie picked it up with one hand and judged the weight. "It looks like he only took a couple of sips from this."

Robbie smirked, the feeling of a giggle bubbling up his throat like water on the boil. He glanced back at the snoozing elf and couldn't help the warm joy that touched his heart. "What a lightweight." He hummed, putting the bottle down. "I finally found something I'm better at than Sportacus."

He walked back over to the chair and settled down beside it, leaning his back against it so that his head was touching the armrest. He could hear the gentle breathing of the elf, in the calming silence of the lair. Robbie touched his lip with thin, trembling fingers and closed his eyes.

Maybe a little Sportscandy wasn't such a bad thing after all.


End file.
